It’s only Monday and I feel as though it’s Thursday. There was a storm last night and the roads were just terrible this morning. Cory offered to drive me in, but he has enough to do so I declined. It was fine… I can’t do much, but I can drive just about anything in any conditions; I really should have been in competitive motorsports. The day went by quickly because I had so much to package, but the inventory system is so jacked up it’s a little difficult to do everything right without any training. Lunch ended up being about 3:30P for me today. I don’t mind eating too early or too late really, but I was getting hangry at that point for sure. Healthy Being has been my saving grace through all of this. I went there early this morning for the Morning Bluebird smoothing again… no fail. And for lunch I had the soup which was some sort of a creamed mushroom soup – it is all so delicious. OH and I asked the girls if they wanted anything, so I ordered them a couple of smoothies as an “after lunch” snack; which also lead me to grab more food… I cheated a little bit and got gluten-free sourdough with almond butter and fruit on top. God, was that good or what. Snacking continued tonight with artichokes and an apple with cashew butter (duh). I was so hungry today.

Of course after work I went to the sauna and showered, but I didn’t wash my hair because it’s still looking okay despite all it goes through in twenty-four+ hours. I took my time again with about a half hour in the sauna and a half hour dedicated to my showering routine. It was delightful… it’s like my spa treatment without spending hundreds of dollars for something so fleeting. Don’t get me wrong, I will absolutely treat myself to a spa day one of these days. I made my way back home and took Whisk out. We ran into C since he was still plowing and he seemed in decent spirits. Well, I said one thing wrong once he came in and did that set him off. I should know better when he’s tired, but also I don’t give a crap. I hate being silenced because I’m afraid of the reaction I’ll get. It’s really getting to me because he turns it around on me every time; Like it’s my fault for bringing up the things he does that I don’t think are necessary. It’s such a double edged sword being married to this man. He is so brilliant and skillful and occasionally joyful, but I guess I’m just sick of the same shit different day. He’s grumpy and angry and pessimistic about everyone in his way. He drinks too much still, doesn’t eat properly, smokes and doesn’t put his health first which is just getting to me. I don’t want to tell him what to do, so what should I do? I love him, but want more for us and he is so stuck in his past antics it’s just unfortunate.

Today is Shawna’s birthday… that was another thing I was hoping to do is go visit her for her birthday, but of course Cory made me feel bad about wanting to go. So I got a full time job and didn’t make plans to visit. Yeah…